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- Luke Wilson as Cpl. Joe Bauers
- Maya Rudolph as Rita
- Dax Shepard as Frito Pendejo
- Terry Crews as President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho
- David Herman as Secretary of State
- Justin Long as Dr. Lexus
- Andrew Wilson as Beef Supreme
- Brad "Scarface" Jordan as Upgrayedd
- Thomas Haden Church as Brawndo CEO
- Stephen Root as Judge Hank "The Hangman" BMW
- Tom Kenny as voice of the IPPA Computer
- Sara Rue as The Attorney General
- Randal Reeder as Secret Service Thug